Gave up asking for it

By “it”, I mean love, friendship, kindness, happiness, or even sadness. It’s like they are no longer things that can just happen or have. Even those are now valuable currencies that you have to work for to get like money or anything in life.

Now when my parents or elder people talk about the past and how things where. Like how good friends they had or how happy they were with low money and simple jobs, they just as any fictional story I have ever read. Sometimes I even laugh at how we have reached these days. Laugh with a crying heart.

Now to have friend you have to be really nice, really friendly and it doesn’t matter how good friends or even how “besties” you are, don’t give then your secret or at least not all of it because life and people are no longer as kind and as trustworthy as we hear or read or watch. Life and dreams aren’t the same thing. You wish for true love and you find yourself in a weird relationship that you call love but it’s everything else other than that. You try to trust that one friend, just one not even group as we see in movies and that one person  makes you face the worst surprise of your life.

When I list those facts to myself or my mum for example, she calls me cold. The idea is that I have to be like that. I have not to trust people with my secrets or be too caring because I am not actually cold, I am just trying to protect myself from heart-breaking or an un smiley face. Unfortunately, that’s what life has taught me. I would never wish for such a life, such an act. But that’s how the drama of life goes. Who changed the rules who made people actors with masks and hidden hearts? No one really knows. Maybe us, maybe wars, maybe situations and conditions people until now passed by. Maybe all of them.

I am just wishing one day the rules would change again and maybe I would be telling my children or even grandchildren about how happy easy life I had and hopefully they won’t laugh with a crying heart like me now. I can’t lose hope after all. You too don’t 🙂

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

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