Can someone stop feeling from the inside?

Lately, I’ve been focusing on many things such as university, career, college. In other words, my future that I am getting to forget what makes me happy or sad or make people around me.

I don’t go to school lately, for enjoying as before you know. Like for meeting my friends for example, even when I meet them outside. At the beginning when I decide to hang out with them I change my mind about it hundredth of times, I get the feeling of tiredness and laziness like “do I really have to go?” But then when I go I enjoy so much that when I come back home I say “Thank god I did go out and didn’t listen to myself.” Same with everything that I know as just a knowledge that I enjoy and make me happy but do I feel it? Nope, maybe when it’s too late.

Same with things that should make me upset but they no longer do. For example, I am a happy person like I don’t like fighting with people who live with me or an important part of my life, like my family, and feel annoyed when they fight with each other. They just bring negative energy or sad atmosphere. However, now I feel like I no longer care. Wither they fight or not, it doesn’t matter. IT might be growing up, or just turning to be numb, or maybe both. Maybe when we grow up we become numb, we lose those feelings of extreme anger, fear or happiness.  Because at the end of the day we know that things might get worse and we do expect the worse, or maybe because we believe that better things might happen in a moment we don’t expect.

We all have our believes and lies that we believe to keep us from falling apart. We all have dreams and goals that we are looking forward to. They are the only reason that we wake up everyday for and I hope that we all never stop having dreams or goals, good ones :D.

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

 

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We need happily ever after endings more than we think

The past few days I spent most of my free time, if not all, reading books. Well, I’d like to tell you which books but I don’t want to spoil it for any of you who is going to read it.

Anyway, it was a series and the end of it was an upnorml one: A not happily ever after ending. like imaging soending yourself spending days and hourse fillping through the book pages while you are having breakfast, in the bus, before you sleep. You just can’t let it go. Until I got attached more than I usually do. It happens with me most of the time, like after watching or reading something it stays in my mind for a while. However, with all that I’ve read and watched it had one of the usual endings. The ending that makes you satisfied, the kind of happy one. Naturally, I like new ideas and weird ideas. I don’t know what made upset from such an end, although it’s brilliant.

It made me realise that maybe I like weird ideas, un expected endings but I don’t enjoy them. Like I would write them if it was my novel but I would not read them. Unexpected things makes us think of it more than usual, right? Therefore, if the unexpected thing is not as pleasent as we wish, we would keep thinking of it. So the more we think of it, if it’s negative thing or memory, the more we feel as if we can no longer sit still or breath as if the room’s walls are getting closer. At least that’s what I feel.

That’s when the idea that it doesn’t what we believe in, what we think of, we will always need the happy endings came to my mind. Because in the middle of all the darkness of the real life, reading a book, watching a movie, listening to a song are few ways that can make us no longer be living in the real world, that’s the only escape wecan get when we can’t afford anything else. Until one day we can have one of those in our lives :).

Always welcomed to the corner,
Menna Xx

Where is the pause button, please?

How many of you got exposed to embarrassing situations that keeps playing over and over again in your mind? I really hate my brain for doing that! The worst part is that my brain fail me in remembering my keys but not those situations.

At that very moment I wish my brain was some kind of a stereo or mp3 player or a DVD just so I can have the ability to have the pause button. To just stop my mind from replying the same scene, the same words and looks over and over again. I wish I could control m brain as in fact my brain is the one in charge. I can’t control my memories, what to show and what to just keep at the very back of my box of memories. Not even deleted because the truth is that as much as those memories sometimes torture me, they keep me alerted and teach me more than one lesson. Although they might be actually hard ones.

I have been exposed to loads of unbearable embarrassing situations that with everyone I came to be in another level. For example, by time I no longer cry of shame, I learnt how to fake the perfect smile and master the most perfect lie to convince people that I might even be made of titanium. It doesn’t matter how bad things can go, I try my best not to crack even to my nearest people. However, it gets so tiring and even more torturing not to open up to someone. Someone who might understand you, feel your agony. If you have that person, just hold tight as much as you can because you two are the only reason that you two are still fighting in this life.

I guess that blog is going to be a little bit short. Despite my pounding headache, I was exposed to one of those embarrassing situations lately and it’s memory keeps flashing back in my head that makes it worse. So I just went on writing this blog, I know somewhere out there is experiencing the same thing. Therefore, I am here to tell you that you are not alone and that you are tougher than what you think and people forget so do you. Just learn from this, rather than being lost in this dilemma of blame and hiding. Maybe your luck is better than mine in finding the pause button 😉

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

The joyful bitterness of new life stations

Are you going to university next year like me? To high school/college? Getting promoted? Or even getting married soon 😀 Those all new stations life, don’t you think?

Those life changing points can fill us with hope and fear. It fill us with hopeful dreams and smiles but stomachaches when we realise what kind of dilemma we might get through. Sometimes It can be more than just a new stage of life and sometimes it can be life changing only for us. However, we all still have those day dreams of our new life that most of the times ,if not all of it, turns 180 degree opposite to what happens in real life. Sometimes worse and other times really mind blowing. I reached to the point that I started enjoy those day dreams before I get hit with the real life, I don’t know if it’s my over imagination or luck but for me mostly turns really way way worse than I imagined. Somehow I still find the strength and hope in me to be optimistic and tell myself that one day things will go really well. That the next turning point in my life will be my lucky chapter of my life. All I need is just patience and hope. But I keep asking myself the same question every night, when? How?

Lately, I started to get convinced with the idea that whatever new experience, life stage I have in life is just the end and the starting point. The end to an old chapter and the beginning of a fresh one. I realised that when or how isn’t matter of waiting, because at the end of the day the answer to those question is me. It’s me who can say when and how. When to stop waiting for karma or for a fairy. It’s me if I want to change tomorrow, now all I have to do is get my mind to it and work. Just that simple. However, I have to get the idea that it doesn’t matter what kind of new life I am going to lead or a new chapter of my book of life, it comes with responsibilities.

Yup! That’s it’s bitter sweetness. You got the top marks to get to university, that’s amazing! But I am sorry to break the news for you, it’s not as joyful as you think it is. It comes with loads of responsibilities, loads of hard work. Just try your best to hold to it so tightly. Don’t let your dreams fly away from you.

My point is that what you have always dreamed about your new steps in your life is true, it’s there but nothing is perfect, right? All you have to do is to enjoy to the max. ,even if it wan’t as much as you have expected it to be, and try your best to make the bitter part of it has the least effect on your enjoyment. 🙂

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

It has been more than a year

Today is my birthday. Thank you if you wished me a happy birthday while reading this :D. Normally, I look at my day when I am about to sleep and think of my mistakes and good points that I have done, kind of revising myself. Same I do to my years. This year felt more than just 365 days for me. Like the time got stretched or something.

This year made me laugh, get frustrated, feel the love and the hate. It didn’t me cry anyway, As I promised myself 2 years ago that I will never cry again that I nearly forgot how it feels to let your tears run down your cheeks. However, I made my promise for another year. It might not be a good choice or a promise to make but sometimes when I am on the edge of just shedding a tear, that power of sadness and crying is somehow turned to strength, maybe even anger. I’ve met new people. Some of them were always there but I just knew them this year. Some others are brand new. Even the people I thought I  knew some of them turned out different than I knew them for the best or the worse. I can say that people this year didn’t exactly disappoint me, maybe even taught me valuable lessons. And most important one that I kept reminded with is that, people simply change.

There were moments that I felt my life is falling a part like Autumn leaves. Some others made me feel that I am an inch away from toughing the sky. Life is up and down, true! I just learnt to enjoy the ups and stay strong during the downs to enjoy the next up. I also had some achievements like finishing my IGCSEs with great results. I got more involved and took more responsibilities in my family and life, which I think strengthened me than ever and it will keep strengthening me. I can’t deny that I had wished to accomplish more, but ,hopefully, I still have another year to do more and more.

At the end of the day, it was more than just a year to me. It was kind of a punch in the face but it was worth it. It woke me up a little more and opened my eyes and mind for a lot of things. It made me re-think about many people and strategies. Just remember one thing. Do the good to find it. I know it might be hard to do but try to stick to it. However, do good as long as you can and someone deserves it. Because otherwise, you might suffer rather than finding the good.

Wish you all a happy day and Birthday if someone’s birthday is today too 😉 :D. Stay strong, passionate and blessed.

Always Welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

It’s all a wave

How many times we have planned and thought about the future when things went into the other direction? When we lose hope, but happiness comes knocking on our doors or sadness come blinding us with it’s darkness in the time that we thoughts we we will never shed a tear.

C’est la vie! It takes you to a different place everyday. sometimes it can make you out of your mind like, what on earth am I doing here? Or wake up one morning and you are no longer having the same surname or even worse, you don’t have a name at all. However, after all we still wake up every morning with some hope in our hearts even if we can’ feel it. It’s there. We are weird creatures, you know? We are unbreakable! Even in our hardest times we don’t give up easily, Why? Because unlike other species we hate it. We even love ourselves more sometimes to let it lose to the world or to others. We all selfish. Yes, it’s like a component in us. But obviously, the amount of selfishness differs from on to another, but the end of the day we love ourselves.

Although life can put us in hard or happy situations, we know that it won’t last long. Like when you laugh so hard and then feel a pain in your chest as you know that tomorrow you might cry as much as you are laughing now. It’s all about time. When will things change. That’s what keeps us hold and strong. Not all of us sometimes, but at least we stay as much as we can, we enjoy s much as we can, we fight as much as we can. Eventually, we all get tired at some point. The lucky between us are the ones who find where to charge their energy from. The charger can be a person you love, a friend, a lover or sometimes a song or a memory. If you know what is your charger you lucky enough to be warrior in this life.

After all, what’s important of them all is to keep the idea in your mind and heart, that it’s all a wave. It will come and go. Therefore, you don’t have to depend o it so much as if you depended that something isn’t going to change and leaned to the wall of confidence that everything will stay as it’s, one day you might fall really bad. Facts are just facts for sometime. Remember that the word ‘Forever’ is the biggest lie ever. So, simply know that you are and going to laugh or cry all the way.

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

The buried glory

I am that kind of person who gets impressed by the hidden beauty or nice surprises. However, I’ve discovered that surprises and beauty can not only in objects or birthday present but people too has a lot hidden. That’s what impresses me most though.

What does people hide? Well, we all have our own secrets. Our own hidden hobbies, so on. Some of these can be pleasant and some can be really unsatisfying. Some of these also can be hidden by our own choice and some can be there but we just don’t know about it. Let’s just talk about the pleasant, hidden ones by our own will.

For example, I think I can do a lot of stuff. Like I love presentations, photographing, singing, I love thinking of new ideas and go after them to make them done, etc. Although people says that I am not good at them much but others say that I am better than I think I am. I am not afraid of people’s numbers or going on stage or getting to know people or talk to strangers when I can. Not everyone like me and that’s what makes from us all special people. I like debating and discussing topics. The problem is that, I never had the chance. Even if I had it, the conditions never helped me to take it or prove what I have inside me. When I think of it I feel like I had a hidden glory, a buried one inside me that is full of dust and all I want is to blow that dust and make it shine and out to the people. In other words, I want to show it.

Sometimes I don’t have the chance because of foolish thinking of me that I will never make it, other times it’s because f I took the chance it might affect others not only me. But what’s most often is that I am not even allowed the chance. Don’t get me wrong, I try my best for what I want and once I want something which is not going to be a problem or cause any kind of injustice I do all I can to get it. Well, as an example, my mum sometimes says that I don’t fight enough for it but I am sure that I would have done all I can to get it. The difference is that mum wasn’t there to see it.

Just with every time I don’t get the chance or get stopped for any kind of reason I believe that one day when I get the chance nothing is going to stop. I promise myself that I might not given the opportunity to do what I like in my childhood or old years for different reasons but I will never allow that to happen again. I promise myself that I won’t let anyone or anything stop me from being who I want to be. From shinning. I still wonder about each one of your glories. I wonder in what way will you shine, will the world shine. I am almost 17 but I will still always look at people and the world around me like a 5 years old kid who can’t wait for people to leave the room so I can rush to the birthday gift and rip them to reveal what’s inside.

Believe in your glory 😉

What do you think is your glory? 😀

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

The trip of life

When someone talk about getting older or birthdays, for some reason I remember Joey at the show “friends” when he was 30. It’s a really funny , but the idea is that why people hate growing up?

I am sure that most of us like new experiences. Growing up is a new experience! Well, at least you go new places, as you are a kid you go to  the kindergarten and school, then you grow up a little and you go to college and then to university and every time you go to a new stage in your life is an adventure! Remember your feeling on the first day of every stage of this? Even in your life, you first toy, then best friends, the love of your life, engagement, marriage. When you got your driving license, ID or passport.

Time makes from us different kind of people. Like do you remember yourself a year ago? Do you remember your interests? Hair cut? The same mindset?  Now if you looked in the mirror, are you the same person? I am sure your answered would be at least 98% no. Growing up also doesn’t mean you are getting older! Yeah, responsibilities are getting heavier on you and life might not be easier than it used to be. That’s so true. Just think of the bright side! You might now have a friend to lean your back on when things go south. You might have a partner in your life who shares your joy  with you. You have known much more and explored the better part of the world or even just knew things that if you stayed a kid who is living with no responsibilities might never even know that those things exits.

The bottom line is that growing up doesn’t mean death or being old as people think or say. It’s nothing to be ashamed of actually! It’s something impressive that worth the living! Just think of life as a train with stations. You can’t stop the train but you can enjoy your time during the trip! 😉

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

The science of people’s types

I know that I have talked about people’s type in other blogs, but here I mean the literal meaning of people’s type. Life is like a big garden and people are the roses and plants in it. We are really different and similar at the same time.

For example, there are the sad people who might even regret the day they were born. That type is the type that mostly end up alone or failure. There is the other type opposite to it, the happy one. The one that always try their best to make the best laugh out of any situation, or they are overjoyed to even shed a tear. Those are the main two types of people. There is also the energetic one. That one that even if they are kidnapped and tied to a chair, they won’t stop talking or moving anyway. Those are mostly related to the happy, overjoyed category. There is also the one that lost hope so long ago, the one always believe that whatever they do no point of it. They are living just for the meaning of it, just living. Off course that’s related to the sad one. Obviously, there is the opposite of each type. Like there is the lazy person, the hopeful one and so on. And many many other types, that if you noticed people you will find that they are even infinite. Countless that you may lose count of it.

However, people change. We have our seasons too like roses. We are like nature, we can be so calm a moment but a storm the other moment. We are part of the nature therefore, we are like it. A person can be sad, known to be sad but when they get happy, it can be the best smile you can see on their face. A person can be calm or happy, but when they get made, it’s the worse ever. Just like shells that has pearls, they might look a like from outside or even the same most of the time, but when they reveal the rareness in them that can be the surprise that you never expected. Just take care, because not all surprises are awesome.

Always know that this mix is what keeps us going. What makes from us friends, families and lovers. What keeps us stronger 😉

What is the most type of people that amuse you :D?

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

You don’t have to master it to do it

How many of us love singing, dancing, drawing well but actually can’t do any of these good enough? At the end of the day, you love them then do them! You don’t have to be an expert to enjoy your heart.

I love singing, writing and drawing. In general. Well, I am not a really good singer, but I do sing when I can or able to. I am writing now as you can see (I am even writing my very own first novel now) and I draw when I feel the urge to.  Loads and loads of things and people tried to stop me from doing these things. These little things makes me feel happy when I am blue. Many people might see it silly or because it’s unprofessional, then it’s a waste of time. And first of these people is even my mother. However, I still do it. I may not be perfect but who is?! I just enjoy it!

Practicing makes you perfect. Therefore, maybe your drawing this time doesn’t look like it’s related to a human being by any chance, but maybe the next one it would be a better portrait 😉 As long as hope and the fire of determination is in your heart, then you can go places. How many people said I can’t and they are now Nobel Prize winners, public figures and more. Even if you didn’t get to be any of those, you at least feel happiness when you hold you pen to write, the mic to sing or the guitar to play. Remember how happy were you when you were child, it was when you had no chains, the chains of the society. Like when you are in a party and you don’t want to dance so you don’t have to look funny or be an embarrassment. That might be true, yeah well no one would like to embarrassed but that doesn’t mean you can’t dance at all. Be yourself, at least with yourself.

My point is that happiness comes from you. You can make yourself the happiest or the saddest person on earth. The simple things count, sometimes even more than the huge things. Don’t let people decide how you would cheer yourself. Free yourself from people’s tongues. And enjoy being silly and happy though, you deserve it, you even need it sometimes 😉 :D.

Always welcomed to the corner,\

Menna Xx