I lost my self in fantasy

Do you know the feeling when you basically has nothing to do or like your life is nothing more than just days to be spent? Well, most of my life is like this, therefore, I escape at every chance I find. However, I just escape mentally.

I watch Tv shows and movies to forget about my own movie or listen to music and imagine a world that I belong to just in my dreams or I just read a book, and make myself the hero of it. When the heroes in the book runs I run with them when they laugh I laugh with them when they think I think with them. As I can’t be in the middle of an adventure physically, my mind and my imagination can just break free unlike my body. The problem here is that I got tired.

Now, my imagination or fantasy isn’t enough for me. I now want to actually run, to think, to find people who are willing to run and laugh and cry with me. It’s like the game is over, the fantasy took my soul and mind and wants my body too. The idea is, I no longer know if living a fantasy would be possible or in other words, my dreams. Will I ever be able to break free? Will I ever find the job I dream of? Or find friends who I dream of their existence? The kind who would run and would pass all kind of troubles with each other. Or will it all end just like today and yesterday? Will it be living a life I want to change and all I can do is just dream of myself changing it over a song that gives me the vibe to just change it in my mind?

Will one day be different from every day in a better way?

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

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Dear diary, can you hear me?

About a couple of months ago I started writing my diary, not in daily based though. And I found out that, even the diary would get annoyed by my life.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I am not grateful or so. It’s just that it’s weird when you see that someone you’ve been writing about a month ago as your friend, when you mention his/her name today, he is no longer one. It’s weird that when just a couple of days ago you were talking about studying or watching tv shows or going out and today you are writing that your finals is after tomorrow. Time flies! That’s one of the few quotes that I totally believe, and it doesn’t matter if that time is happy or sad anymore. Both ways it will pass by the blink of eye.

It’s like even my diary can’t even keep up with me from my speed or actually that most of the days look like each other. What I did today, I’ve done yesterday and will do tomorrow. I am not a celeb or a royal or even a fictional character to have a new exciting adventure to write about. Even my high school years passed way less daramatic than how you see in movies (by the way! Grateful for that! :D).

It’s just life! Or at least life for normal people like you and me and sometimes for celebs and royals too! 😀

But at the end of the day, my diary is still there to know my best, worst and super boring days, unlike many of my friends, or who I thought were my friends. Thanks to it and to you too, because my blogs kind of about my days too ;).

Always welcomes to the corner,

Menna Xx

 

 

People talk a lot, but does this matter ?

Lately, I’ve been followed by people’s word. All is talking that I need to improve, I need to be better. 
Maybe I need to put some effort, but it’s not their business anymore. Like why would someone tell me you are good or bad?! Will that change me ?? If I am convinced with what I am doing knowing it’s true and perfectly cool so why would I care ! 

People became suddenly so free with no problems to take care of others and tell them to improve. I want to say one thing. Never change for someone ! You are awesome ! Maybe they are jealous and want to drag you down( I don’t mean 1D song 😛 :D). 

What your style is, what your personality is as long as it’s cool to you and not wrong then just stay who you are! You will realize by yourself what you need to change anyway. Non will know perfectly the best for you except you! Then maybe your family. 

So stay who you are ! I am proud of you ! Your close people are also proud of you! Above all you yourself should be proud of yourself and go forward! Never stop !

Welcome to the corner,

Menna Xx

Giving up ? You need to take another look actually.

Past days were headache. I had Mock Exams. Unfortunately,I didn’t get much of the grades I expected. I was upset and giving up but later I realized it’s a future that giving it up means ending it so soon. I also found myself angry for some silly reasons. I didn’t know why I would be, it’s just life!

  
Wondering around my room one day I found my old guitar full of dust and looks upset also. I totally forgot it. I really missed him. I played in this special one a lot of special songs, I had a dream one day of coming a guitarist or singer or whatever. That was Before I realize it’s just life that decided our fates, that the whole game isn’t 100% by our hands. 

Anyway I was upset to see it that way also. I picked it, cleaned it and played some notes. I felt I totally don’t know how to play it after I was everyday playing each and single song I loved. I was feeling really bad for losing a skill that if I could just be stronger not giving up easily I would be keeping it for the better and maybe I could achieve my dream. 

That point I knew that giving up is not a way to make me relax. But it’s committing suicide and killing all the little things that used to make our day of just thinking about it.

However, I now learned the lesson. I started playing again. This time I learned the lesson. You should also know it. Never give up! Believe me, you will regret so much.

Keep the faith…

Welcome to the corner,

Menna xx

Bad Weather For Me

It’s about 7 degree today. Rainy day. That’s from my favorite weathers most of times. I feel happy on those days but for the first time I feel rains as if it’s washing me from bad feelings. 

    
I felt suddenly that all the smiles that were on my face for past days were fake or not that true as always. 

Today I felt so weird. So cold.. 

I ended the day with a sad look, convening all that I am physically sick but I sick from inside, it’s my soul. 

I realized that however we say we need no one, no friends or family and we will manage the situation, is a fake feeling. It’s always a fake one, but we don’t notice. 

We really need someone to care for us, love us. We may not find this person till long. It’s love sometimes, but for me love was and is always a losing game. 

Friendship maybe?? Even this I don’t think so. Feeling most of times I am a second wheel. All have his own friends, I am always the one what people care for when the original friend isn’t here. 

I always handled it, till somedays ago. I am always trying to be funny and happy to keep my mind away. 

Somehow I started to say if I can’t find who care for me, I can care for myself. As its a BIG LIE . But have no choice. 

I started working hard for being successful at my school, on Internet, and so on. I thought that people can be second choice after my own life. After who I am. 

They used to be number #1 but now #1 is my future, my success. That’s better ! 

Diary was never my best friend 

  
Hi everyone , 

Thank you all for all the love in just 2 days 🙂 . I had some liked and followers that I’ve never expected to have. I started this blog to write my thoughts hoping to see who cares or even read it. Actually, I think I did it 😀 or on my way to do it 🙂 

Thank you all so much ! I love you ! 

You know, I’ve always wanted to write what’s on my mind , just like if I am cleaning it from all what makes it busy. I tried to have a small secret diary. However, I didn’t like to write everyday before going sleep because I was always tired or lazy to do it. 

When I write or talk I feel more calm and at rest. As if I was holding heavy things and I let it down. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t have who listen to me all time . Although my mum helped sometimes, my friends and many people, but as I was growing up I found that those people started to decrease. My thoughts grew up with me, finding non to understand it, or barely understand me. 

So I thought about doing it by myself. As if non can understand me, at least I do. Dad also encouraged me to do it as a way of making him remember or know the important notes as fee school payment or so on ( stuff that I didn’t even find it match me but him). So I started to translate the idea to be for me! 

I started to write a diary ( semi- diary actually 😀 ) at the age of 12. I bought a sweet agenda, with all the stickers, colorful pens. However, as it was a good idea for most of times but not always. As I started to find myself going crazy. I wanted always for a good advice at hard days and for sure the diary couldn’t. It couldn’t tell me well done at doing improvements or blame me for bad things. 

I started to need a real person. I also was in a relation ship that I heard before that relationships give type of support that I didn’t even know 😀 . A near by neigh our or family member to be always for me. It was only me. 

I started to search internet. I found really awesome people and creepy people but I found some support. Maybe not all times but at least once in time or twice 🙂 

At the end I knew that owning a diary was like dad said TO ONLY RECORD EVENTS NOT EMOTIONS. My diary became a group of resolutions , list of books,or music that I want to do through the year, ticking what I’ve did ! 😀

So that’s one of the reasons I am here. Hoping to find who always care and support personally or say well done for any good thing I do or blame me for anything bad I do even if that person don’t know me 🙂 at least I am sure I will learn more 😉 😀 

Remember to always keep progressing ! Learning from all the experience you pass through or people you know 🙂 😉 

Always welcomed to the corner , 

Menna 😉