Bad Weather For Me

It’s about 7 degree today. Rainy day. That’s from my favorite weathers most of times. I feel happy on those days but for the first time I feel rains as if it’s washing me from bad feelings. 

    
I felt suddenly that all the smiles that were on my face for past days were fake or not that true as always. 

Today I felt so weird. So cold.. 

I ended the day with a sad look, convening all that I am physically sick but I sick from inside, it’s my soul. 

I realized that however we say we need no one, no friends or family and we will manage the situation, is a fake feeling. It’s always a fake one, but we don’t notice. 

We really need someone to care for us, love us. We may not find this person till long. It’s love sometimes, but for me love was and is always a losing game. 

Friendship maybe?? Even this I don’t think so. Feeling most of times I am a second wheel. All have his own friends, I am always the one what people care for when the original friend isn’t here. 

I always handled it, till somedays ago. I am always trying to be funny and happy to keep my mind away. 

Somehow I started to say if I can’t find who care for me, I can care for myself. As its a BIG LIE . But have no choice. 

I started working hard for being successful at my school, on Internet, and so on. I thought that people can be second choice after my own life. After who I am. 

They used to be number #1 but now #1 is my future, my success. That’s better ! 

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Virtual Life

Sometimes I day dream of a virtual life. Sometimes I think of me as a successful business woman or star having a perfect lover and awesome friends, understandable family and stunning skills. 

  
Each time I am sad or upset I feel my friends are surrounding me, cheering me up or listening to some awesome words from my boyfriend and my family supporting me. Making me more and more confident and strong.

Also if I am so happy, I find who share this happiness without hatred or blame. It’s such an awesome feeling.

However, it’s not real. And makes me upset when I take off my headphones, back to real life. 

Ever since I’ve tried a lot to make the dream comes true, but destiny chooses our life most of times. 

I am now in a new school, new city, new life. I’ve never thought that will ever happen! But it did! I am also for plainsong a complete different career, chosen by my family that I didn’t dream of. While I am pretty sure that If I chose mine I am sure that my family would refuse it, so I thought to do the decision from the beginning. Hoping that faith may choose the better for me. 

However, I am doing my best to follow my dreams. So as if I didn’t have them at least I am proud of trying it under any circumstances πŸ™‚ 

But will this stay long ?? Like will it stay that other control our lives?? I hope all change soon πŸ™‚ 

Even if day dreams make me feel better and upset as well I won’t stop them as they are my painkiller , giving me hope πŸ™‚ 

I hope also for all of you to have what he is dreaming for ! Never give up ! It’s your life. 

Internet sweet headache

I am sure all of us as you can reach this post then you have Internet access. That’s cool a lot of times. As its keep us knowing what’s the latest news of our country , favorite team or celebs. 

Having an Internet access requires account on social media. On account on Facebook makes the next one on Twitter then YouTube channel then Instagram. Here is the cycle goes.

  
However, as this cycle goes I find a sweet headache in it. Like you can access a lot of things in different names and different friends and  number of follow. Finding it cool and interesting. However, it’s makes my mail have daily 100+ mail min. Sometimes some are good , sometimes just a scam or ads for something. 

Feeling like having a smartphone or any electronics such a great stress. As if now I write a blog or a post, i stay like seeing if it will make a success even if simple or not. Message people and they don’t reply back. It’s like you started to walk with someone and they stopped walking with you for some reason. What if you didn’t start the way from the beginning?? It would feel more relaxed. You can just prank a call or go and knock his door of replied then you are sure you know how it will go. Not just leaving you worried( if you got my point πŸ˜€ ). 

Sometimes I forget passwords because of many accounts( which is a big trouble for people who have no memory like me πŸ˜€ ), and you can’t type it somewhere so as non know it and destroy everything. Such a stress. 

After all, it still the place that I escape to if I am in an embarrassing situation or can’t reply to someone πŸ˜€ . 

Welcome to the corner , 

Menna xx 

Diary was never my best friendΒ 

  
Hi everyone , 

Thank you all for all the love in just 2 days πŸ™‚ . I had some liked and followers that I’ve never expected to have. I started this blog to write my thoughts hoping to see who cares or even read it. Actually, I think I did it πŸ˜€ or on my way to do it πŸ™‚ 

Thank you all so much ! I love you ! 

You know, I’ve always wanted to write what’s on my mind , just like if I am cleaning it from all what makes it busy. I tried to have a small secret diary. However, I didn’t like to write everyday before going sleep because I was always tired or lazy to do it. 

When I write or talk I feel more calm and at rest. As if I was holding heavy things and I let it down. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t have who listen to me all time . Although my mum helped sometimes, my friends and many people, but as I was growing up I found that those people started to decrease. My thoughts grew up with me, finding non to understand it, or barely understand me. 

So I thought about doing it by myself. As if non can understand me, at least I do. Dad also encouraged me to do it as a way of making him remember or know the important notes as fee school payment or so on ( stuff that I didn’t even find it match me but him). So I started to translate the idea to be for me! 

I started to write a diary ( semi- diary actually πŸ˜€ ) at the age of 12. I bought a sweet agenda, with all the stickers, colorful pens. However, as it was a good idea for most of times but not always. As I started to find myself going crazy. I wanted always for a good advice at hard days and for sure the diary couldn’t. It couldn’t tell me well done at doing improvements or blame me for bad things. 

I started to need a real person. I also was in a relation ship that I heard before that relationships give type of support that I didn’t even know πŸ˜€ . A near by neigh our or family member to be always for me. It was only me. 

I started to search internet. I found really awesome people and creepy people but I found some support. Maybe not all times but at least once in time or twice πŸ™‚ 

At the end I knew that owning a diary was like dad said TO ONLY RECORD EVENTS NOT EMOTIONS. My diary became a group of resolutions , list of books,or music that I want to do through the year, ticking what I’ve did ! πŸ˜€

So that’s one of the reasons I am here. Hoping to find who always care and support personally or say well done for any good thing I do or blame me for anything bad I do even if that person don’t know me πŸ™‚ at least I am sure I will learn more πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€ 

Remember to always keep progressing ! Learning from all the experience you pass through or people you know πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰ 

Always welcomed to the corner , 

Menna πŸ˜‰