Midnight

It’s midnight here in my country while I am writing this blog. Sitting on my bed, my back to my pillow, the music is playing and getting myself to sleep. But do I? Well, according to this blog I am not.

I am writing without checking the words or focusing on a specific topic as usual. Just writing for you and me. Because I am sure that this is most of us when it comes to midnight. Words, thoughts, situations, and more are clouding in your head racing with each other, making your sleep is either impossible or just making you lose that awesome feeling of falling asleep peacefully.

Those are the moments that I miss my childhood the most, when I used to sleep with a big smile on my face with nothing on the top of my head. Like now I think of how stupid I missed all the chances of sleeping when I was a child and all the mat time I made myself asleep at when I was in KG :D. I don’t know if it’s our minds that made our lives harder with remembering all the memories and deadline of our lives and bring them when you just about to sleep in or is it life that made us lose that one free enjoyment, which is resting and letting go of ourselves ad souls. That’s why sleeping is free. Not of money, or at least not only that ๐Ÿ˜€ I mean Freedom, like when you are sleep if the world is crumpling around you and you have nothing to do, at least you can break free of stress.

At the end of the day, Iit’s much of an advice as much as it’s something I know. Sleeping is such a great thing. Don’t give it up thinking of your exam tomorrow or that great project you are going to introduce to your boss. Know that without charge you can’t work just like your phone ;). As much as I will try to work on it and try to sleep peacefully without thinking of my missing university paper or my results or whatever it is, I hope you too try ๐Ÿ™‚

Wish a peaceful night tonight ๐Ÿ˜‰

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

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Gave up asking for it

By “it”, I mean love, friendship, kindness, happiness, or even sadness. It’s like they are no longer things that can just happen or have. Even those are now valuable currencies that you have to work for to get like money or anything in life.

Now when my parents or elder people talk about the past and how things where. Like how good friends they had or how happy they were with low money and simple jobs, they just as any fictional story I have ever read. Sometimes I even laugh at how we have reached these days. Laugh with a crying heart.

Now to have friend you have to be really nice, really friendly and it doesn’t matter how good friends or even how “besties” you are, don’t give then your secret or at least not all of it because life and people are no longer as kind and as trustworthy as we hear or read or watch. Life and dreams aren’t the same thing. You wish for true love and you find yourself in a weird relationship that you call love but it’s everything else other than that. You try to trust that one friend, just one not even group as we see in movies and that one personย  makes you face the worst surprise of your life.

When I list those facts to myself or my mum for example, she calls me cold. The idea is that I have to be like that. I have not to trust people with my secrets or be too caring because I am not actually cold, I am just trying to protect myself from heart-breaking or an un smiley face. Unfortunately, that’s what life has taught me. I would never wish for such a life, such an act. But that’s how the drama of life goes. Who changed the rules who made people actors with masks and hidden hearts? No one really knows. Maybe us, maybe wars, maybe situations and conditions people until now passed by. Maybe all of them.

I am just wishing one day the rules would change again and maybe I would be telling my children or even grandchildren about how happy easy life I had and hopefully they won’t laugh with a crying heart like me now. I can’t lose hope after all. You too don’t ๐Ÿ™‚

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

Wait!

This world we usually hear it when it’s too late like when someone shout “Wait! Don’t go!” from behind you when i ‘s too late for you to wait or “Wait! You still can do it!” When you have already gave up. oh my lord, how many times I wished to hear it earlier. When I could actually wait and enjoy the moment.

Life makes us always in a hurry that the day pass that you don’t even know when did the sunset and the moon started shinning in the sky. Like another day has passed and I couldn’t listen to that song once again, or read that book that the dust has covered it from waiting. Another day is gone and again I am not even a step near living my life rather than racing with other people in this life. Just like that blog. It’s irony, but I have wanted to write that blog for 3 days today.

I wish I could listen to a song and really listen to it’s lyrics, enjoy it’s music not caring about my deadlines or sleeping early because tomorrow I have what to do. I wish I could wait before I have to, or before it’s too late. It’s like life has made us dissolve in it’s troubles and races just as easy as sugar dissolves in hot water. Life has even made every moment incomplete because our bodies might be living the moment but our minds? Won’t you be thinking about tomorrow’s meeting while sitting with your family or friends. A simpler example? Won’t you be thinking about when those two characters would break up while they just became together this episode?

I no longer know if it’s life’s quickness or our impatience, but I know that we really need to wait. To look around us, and give the moment what it really deserves, so we can live life rather than passing by it. It’s one life ๐Ÿ™‚

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

Those little things…

Do you ever listen to a song and wish if it was actually thing to touch and feel, not just to listen to like keeping it? Or look at the sky one night when the breeze hits your face lovingly and wish that you would keep that feeling, that memory forever?

It’s those little things that makes from life a great place to live at, even if just for a moment. Those little details in your lover or family. They might seem useless,or even a type of imperfection, but it stays the thing that makes from them the most perfect person on this land. Things that you and only you would understand, smile at when noticing them and enjoy them as if they are the last moments of your before your go out of breath.

They sometimes can be a part of the past. A feelings, a sound, a touch, a smell or even a look. Something that makes you remember someone or a moment that automatically draws a smile on your face or bring tears to your eyes. It either re opens wounds or heal them. When this moment comes it might be seconds but our mind makes them feel like a year or even years.

I always wish those moments to overwhelm me, to take me with them and to not leave me to the painful reality. Isn’t it injustice? They take us to a beautiful moment and then someone call us to bring us to reality. It might be injustice but at least we have them at our hard times, right?

Therefore, enjoy the moment! Reality one even as when they come as a memory later, they would be as strong as ever to break you free from the world for seconds. The painful ones and the happy ones. I can hear you asking about the painful ones, why keeping them?! ๐Ÿ˜€ The answer is that pain can sometimes remind us that we passed harder times before and we can pass those ones too! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Enjoy life guys! this moment in a sec would be a memory and it only be lived ones but remembered forever! How do you want to remember it, it’s up to you ๐Ÿ˜‰

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

The wonder of human nature

Do you ever like just sit like that observing people or pass a situation that makes you think of people, or actually human nature and start thinking “Wow! Humans are weird!”

That’s practically me everyday. I wonder especially about how people’s minds and feelings work. Like the difference between people with pretty short temper and others with such patience. How people can get so moody and some with the same mood and technically the same face. Like even if you shot them they would nearly die with the same look on their face :D. It’s really weird how human beings can be so different and still can be friends, lovers and families. I am sure that the human nature or psychology to be specific is such a miracle and has dozens of varieties.

Don’t even let me start at how people’s mind work, especially in relationships. Like you will find that person whose mind can compute millions and millions of lies in a second to just get them from a fight with their partner, and on the other hand you will find that person who can’t even lie to their boss so they can keep their job that pays their rent. There are also those who can build a bunch of theories to impossible scenarios that it’s possibility of happening is as small as the possibility of the presence of aliens.

At the end of the day, it’s human nature. The only thing that non can expert because believe it or not but it will keep shocking you everyday. If you want to really do something more enjoyably than watching a movie or a TV show, watch people! I do that actually ๐Ÿ˜€ When I have nothing to do, and tired of people who are around me, I start playing music, and think of people I met today. How where they, were they happy, sad, how did they act for such simple things. Or even grab a cup of coffee or ice cream in the hot and grab a chair away from people and start watching them. That might seem actually weird, I know, but you will find people amazing you with every single action or expression. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜€

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

 

One star in the sky

I love looking to the sky, it makes me feel better as if i am actually flying and diving into it. However, I like looking to it at night more. But whenever I look at it, I find only one star or maybe two at most. I love how stars look as if they are pearls that are tossed onto the dark carpet of the sky.

I used to be upset when I don’t find a lot of stars in the sky when I look up. Until one day the electric current went out in the area and the lights of the houses, the street all were gone. That’s when I saw the sky in a different way, I saw the stars! So much! Beautiful! That I wished I could just live in a place where only their lights are there. But that was when I learned one more lesson, that a person can’t have all the beautiful things in the world.

Just like the stars and lights. If you want to see the light of stars, you will have to give up on the lights of the city and in such a life can we actually give up the lights of the city? Can we give up on the electricity and everything? It doesn’t matter what we think, there are facts that says no. Which means that we can’t live anything to the max of it. Because if we did, nothing will be left to live. That’s why who has money, doesn’t have peace. Who has happiness might not have fame. That’s why unfortunately when someone has everything or live everything, they might end up ending their own lives.

But that doesn’t mean that we stop trying! We should keep trying forever! We should try to find happiness even if that will make us lose something else, as long as that’s what we want. Sometimes, losing can be a great win that we can’t notice.

Just remember that the light of the stars in the sky is beautiful but you still need to charge your phone ๐Ÿ˜‰

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

The endless shocks of life

It all starts when we are innocent children. We believe that the world is just as peaceful and beautiful as our parents show us. We believe that our parents are the best people ever, the perfect people. We even believe that we are perfect, just as our mothers says. But at the end of the day, it all becomes just lies or half truths that as we grow up, it hurts to un believe them. And whose fault is it? Perfectly, Nobody.

Just because parents want to protect their kids or kids for not knowing the world around them yet. The fault is when we actually know them late or refuse to believe them. That’s when we get to find the paths of our lives, it’s either people be injustice for us or we are injustice towards ourselves.ย  It’s like when they know what we don’t know and they don’t tell us and keep it for themselves for a good reason or not. The same goes when we know the truth ourselves but we don’t want to believe, it’s like we keep that truth from ourselves and the shocks in life goes on and on.

It’s true that life isn’t always black and white. That the shades of grey are there too, we get the fact as we grow up. As when we are kids we believe that it’s completely white and sometimes through life we get to the point to believe that life is so dark. While the truth at the end always shocks us. It’s even that shocking when we figure out that even our blind spots towards the people we love is as strong and hot as the fire, when we think that we know them the most.

It’s life! Full of surprises! The good ones and unfortunately the bad ones. The only thing we can do is to get used to it and skip the shock as fast as we can so we can live life to the max ๐Ÿ˜‰

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

Is it fear or excitement?

Today was the last day of my finals for my high school/college. It means that another chapter of my life is over and a new one is about to start. Who knows what the days will bring? However, the question here is more of my mixed emotions.

Normally, I would be happy or excited about a new experience and I am but it’s not just excitement. There is more to it. It may be that I now can think more of my destiny or of what waits for me. Like before, I was happy when I shift from a school to school or from system to system or even moving from a house to another. That was the child me, the one I miss, the one that fears nothing because she still thinks that it’s still too long till things get serious. It just wasn’t that long. I am now a young adult, I can feel the responsibility of it, unlike before there is fear because time’s up!

In couple of years it would be me Vs. the world. I will have to get used to the idea that I will no longer have as much time as now to relax, let alone sleeping. I have to get to the fact that in order to live a stable, good life I will have to give up some of my fun times to myself like reading a book or waiting for my favorite TV show’s new episode. Things will be harder, I know that and I know it’s good that I know but it’s also sad that I do. It’s like the race is about to start and I am not sure yet if I can run.

It’s a ride with a “going only” ticket and I have no other option except getting onboard. I just hope for me and everyone in my place that once the trip start, that mixed thoughts and emotions will be cleared. ๐Ÿ™‚

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

I lost my self in fantasy

Do you know the feeling when you basically has nothing to do or like your life is nothing more than just days to be spent? Well, most of my life is like this, therefore, I escape at every chance I find. However, I just escape mentally.

I watch Tv shows and movies to forget about my own movie or listen to music and imagine a world that I belong to just in my dreams or I just read a book, and make myself the hero of it. When the heroes in the book runs I run with them when they laugh I laugh with them when they think I think with them. As I can’t be in the middle of an adventure physically, my mind and my imagination can just break free unlike my body. The problem here is that I got tired.

Now, my imagination or fantasy isn’t enough for me. I now want to actually run, to think, to find people who are willing to run and laugh and cry with me. It’s like the game is over, the fantasy took my soul and mind and wants my body too. The idea is, I no longer know if living a fantasy would be possible or in other words, my dreams. Will I ever be able to break free? Will I ever find the job I dream of? Or find friends who I dream of their existence? The kind who would run and would pass all kind of troubles with each other. Or will it all end just like today and yesterday? Will it be living a life I want to change and all I can do is just dream of myself changing it over a song that gives me the vibe to just change it in my mind?

Will one day be different from every day in a better way?

Always welcomed to the corner,

Menna Xx

Dear diary, can you hear me?

About a couple of months ago I started writing my diary, not in daily based though. And I found out that, even the diary would get annoyed by my life.

Donโ€™t get me wrong, itโ€™s not like I am not grateful or so. Itโ€™s just that itโ€™s weird when you see that someone youโ€™ve been writing about a month ago as your friend, when you mention his/her name today, he is no longer one. Itโ€™s weird that when just a couple of days ago you were talking about studying or watching tv shows or going out and today you are writing that your finals is after tomorrow. Time flies! Thatโ€™s one of the few quotes that I totally believe, and it doesnโ€™t matter if that time is happy or sad anymore. Both ways it will pass by the blink of eye.

Itโ€™s like even my diary canโ€™t even keep up with me from my speed or actually that most of the days look like each other. What I did today, Iโ€™ve done yesterday and will do tomorrow. I am not a celeb or a royal or even a fictional character to have a new exciting adventure to write about. Even my high school years passed way less daramatic than how you see in movies (by the way! Grateful for that! :D).

Itโ€™s just life! Or at least life for normal people like you and me and sometimes for celebs and royals too! ๐Ÿ˜€

But at the end of the day, my diary is still there to know my best, worst and super boring days, unlike many of my friends, or who I thought were my friends. Thanks to it and to you too, because my blogs kind of about my days too ;).

Always welcomes to the corner,

Menna Xx